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When I was more involved in my own musicality I took a few classes ranging from Music Appreciation to History of Music. In one of those classes I first heard of the Doctrine of Ethos. A simple explanation (lifted from Guitar Press) is that the doctrine “describes the effects of sound on human behavior and therefore its moral influence. Aristotle, in his Politics, explains how the different kinds of music, imitating specific feelings (anger, kindness, love), can affect a human being with the same kind of feelings. Therefore, says Aristotle, someone who listens to the wrong kind of music will grow up to a bad person, and vice-versa. Consequently, Aristotle (and also Plato) recommended the right kind of music in the education of young citizens.” In other words, the idea that music can effect a change of mental state. Knowing I paid attention to my emotional state to different music and quickly realized the truth in it. Heavy Metal and Punk Rock (both of which I was a fan of at the time) made me angry, rebellious, reckless and generally unpleasant. Since this wasn’t really how I wanted to feel I quit listening to music that put me in that frame of mind.
However, some nights, such as tonight, I am feeling a little melancholy and I leverage the doctrine in order to wallow to my hearts content, feeling sorry for myself, lonely and sad to the accompaniment of some over dramatic emo folk music. I know that it’s probably not healthy but at it is cathartic.
So next time you are feeling blue listen to them! Are you happy? Nothing suits that better than poppy upbeat Irish traditional or Irish rock. Feeling particularly dramatic? If your leanings are towards opera then try any number of quirky female artists. As for me, tonight I am tucking into a glass of wine, a stack of machine learning papers and an IPod full of Kate Heidke-Miller. A quirky female vocalist that has tendencies towards the melancholy with enough perky tunes to keep me smiling in a sad sort of way.
Love. Such an important word in our lives. Our parents teach us how to feel it and instill in us that it is an emotion for family. Our first tentative forays into the hormone laden world of the opposite sex taught us that it is heartache and embarrassment, a subject for notes passed in class and sweaty palmed middle school dances. As young adults we “fall” in love as if it were a bottomless pit of drama and end of the world ends. At some point we mature and realize that it is for family, and it does come with drama and heartache but hopefully we discover that it is a wonderful emotion that can make our worlds brighter and happier. Many of us have had failed relationships. I myself have suffered the end of a marriage and it hurts and you feel like a failure. At some point though you discover that love is best in the form of friends. This I discover all over again every time my friends do wonderful caring things for each other.
My friends surprised me with a lovely birthday dinner. All of them. It was amazing and moving and I felt humbled that these dear, lovely people took the Friday evening and assembled just to wish me love on my 30th birthday. We ate and drank and I generally wallowed in the good feeling that, for the first time as an adult, I had a group of people that cared for me and would be there if I needed them. People that would call me if they needed help and would extend the same hand towards me should I need it. Thank you, all of you.
Two of these treasures, Will & Katie, gave me, as a present, a tour of some of the Willamette Valley’s vineyards. They knew that I had developed a new appreciation for wine while dropping into the wonderful vineyards of Australia and offered to take Peter and I on a whirlwind driving trip, with designated driver, up the valley. Our first stop was Orchard Heights, it was….an experience. Peter bought a bottle though I wasn’t sure why. The tasting room was a cross between a senior center tea room and a tourist trap kitsch shop. The wine was unmemorable. The next stop, Cubanisimo, was evey thing the first was not. The tasting room was classy on a cuban theme. The tasting itself was well directed and energetic and the wine was heavenly. Will & Katie gifted me with a lovely bottle of 2008 Rosado de Pinot Noir perfect for drinking with fruit and sunshine while lounging in the grass. We visited 5 vineyards in all and wound up quite merry in the end. Peter started a cellar for his visits to this side of the planet consisting of several bottles of chardonnay, pinot noir and cuvee. The only difficulty was in finding a meal. It was too early in the season for most of the vineyards to be serving food. However, we finally discovered the Ashes Cafe in Amity. Peter was delighted with experiencing such a piece of Americana, they rest of us were wary. The food wound up being delicious greasy spoon fare with amazing milkshakes and pie to die for.
It was a bitter sweet day in one respect. It was the last day that Peter was here. He impulsively, and quite romantically, spent over 20 hours on a plane to be with me for my birthday and today I took him back to the airport. I am terribly lonely for him already. Having him here was wonderful. I got to show him around a bit and he got to experience my normal life. Since I was in classes all week we didn’t do much exploring but he wore out his shoes wandering all over town. May 14th seems so far away but that is when he will return, and for 2 1/2 weeks!
So love is the theme for the week. Love for my family who is always there for each other, love for my wonderful friends who make my life richer and love for Pete. And maybe some love for wines, vineyards and the people who run them.
Growing up in the Willamette valley causes you to become resigned to the endless cycle of colds, chills and allergies. When my father moved to the coast a decade ago he discovered that the only time he got ill was when he drove to the valley to visit friends and family. Hence the tradition of calling the Willamette Valley the Valley of Sickness
I had been rejoicing in Australia that I had avoided the winter chills, flues and depression that are part and parcel of living in Oregon but no sooner had I relaxed upon my home soil but I was struck low with the dreaded “Spring Cold”. Mostly a flu with a heavy dash of early season allergies . My nose has gone from being an olfactory organ to a drip faucet, my sinuses felt as if they had tripled or even quadrupled in size and were now trying valiantly to leap out of my face. My poor little throat would have felt better if I had been gargling acid.
Oh Well, home for a hot bath, cold medicine and a book in front of the fire while Peter makes me dinner.
For more info about the history of the Willamette Valley’s history as the Valley of Sickness read this wonderful article: http://www.urbanscout.org/willamette-the-valley-of-an-8000-year-old-culture/
Today I turn 30 years old. Wow, I’ve been alive for 30 years. Today I think about all of the time I have covered, lingering equally on triumphs and regrets. It’s amazing when you really sit down and try to think of the “past” how unclear it all is. I mean, I lived it, it should be clear but it’s not. Some memories stand out but mostly it is like a thick fog bank, with a lot of searching I can find things but the scenery in general is rather indistinct.
This evening I will think about the future. Even more nebulous than the past, full of maybe’s and hopes, plans and dreams. Opportunities and adventures. It’s the adventures that interest me the most. Today my dad said “Midlife! Half way to retirement!” and it got me thinking. It’s true. My life as a fully functioning, healthy human being is approximately half way over. I really am going to have to get busy to experience everything I’d like to. Day like this make me want to toss in the towel, sell everything I own and become a world wandering itinerant. Instead, I will drive to Portland and retrieve Peter from the airport and enjoy the possibility of our future and our adventures.
Who knows, maybe I can convince him to wander with me!
Thank you everyone for the lovely birthday wishes.
So today I talked to the species distribution group about some of the work that I did while I was in Australia. The group today was composed of Tom (my adviser), Weng-Keen (another professor), Rebecca (name may be wrong, but new post-doc) and Phoebe (another IGERT student). While I felt that I could have gotten more done during my time in Australia I really felt pretty good about the progress. I was proud to show the maps I had created and was pleased with my grasp of the data, the data collection process and the policy impacts my work could have. Tom however seemed less than impressed. I am not, nor have I ever been, a student that was interested in the nitty gritty details of machine learning algorithms. I am however, endlessly intrigued by the possible applicaitons of them outside of the field of CS. Perhaps this means that I dont pay enough attention to the details of such algorithms and I am sure that this frustrates Tom but I told him I wasn’t interested in theory. It was just a real downer to come from ARI where the ecologists really like my work back to my university where it apparently isn’t meeting standards.
I take my quals this month. I am wondering if Tom is going to pass me or just suggest that I get my masters and go. That would crush me but I would try to get into University of Melbourne and do my PhD there I guess.
Le sigh.
I have long battled the winter blues that are so common found in those that reside in the upper left coast. The rainy season here last from fall through to late spring. The skies are heavy grey and laden with rain. The sun rarely shows it’s face. After weeks of rain you never really feel dry. Your clothing is damp, your car is damp, the ground becomes a quagmire. Any step can result in a comic flailing as you try to keep your footing on a surface that seems to have ignored the laws of friction, sliding madly, arms windmilling as you try, and sometimes failing, to keep from falling. Every step squelches and carpets take on the color of the mud tracked in no matter how carefully you clean your shoes.
Spring in my yard
Then, without warning, the sun peeks through, burns off the grey, dries out the damp and spring has arrived….at least for today. Even after spending my entire life here these days surprise me. You begin to feel as if nice weather will never return and then its here. This morning I sat on my porch with a book and a cup of coffee and soaked up sun as if I was a sponge. The swallows are swooping and diving over the field below my house. Trilling and twittering, “here’s a bug! I fly faster than you! I need a mate! I have a nest site!”. The brush along the fence line is alive with bird song, small beetles and butterflies bumble past on wings either stubby or graceful. Hummingbirds dart past fighting for territory and searching for early blooms on which to feed. And I am at peace. This is why I love the upper left coast.
I was wondering if I could ever be happy here after living in Melbourne. Coming from warm summer weather, and dryness that at times was oppressing. But the birds remind me of why this, no matter how long I live else where, will always be home. Our birds may be less colorful than the lorakeets and parrots of Australia but their voices are infinitely more soothing, bright and happy conversations taking place over head with never a squawk or screech to be heard. I still miss the strange chortling warble of the magpies but the twittering swallows, operatic red wing black birds and the clicking chirps of hummingbirds speak to my earliest memories. I’ve returned in time to see the tree budding, flower tentatively unfolding, the entire world rejoicing in the return of the sun. Tomorrow it may rain again but now it will be spring rain. Rain that brings colour and life. This rain I can handle.
